So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
