Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
