Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
