perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
