I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
