i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
