walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
