apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
