her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
