Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
