i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
