white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
