I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
