it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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