I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
