I faked an abortion last night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
