I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sex in a hospital.. check
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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