Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
