I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
