i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize