I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
