8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
