This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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