I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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