Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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