if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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