was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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