The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
