Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
