saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
