Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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