Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
