We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize