Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
