i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
