He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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