Small penises have feelings too.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
