mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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