he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
