oh god the rape fog is back!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
