I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
