Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize