Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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