oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
