My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
