It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
