i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
