and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
