i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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