Your face is a jimmy john
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
