so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize