so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize