I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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