nutella sex= disaster
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
