i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
