I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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