He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
