How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
