I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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