The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
