I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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