I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
