You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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