she woke up with a sticky ear
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
