I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize