I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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