I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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