i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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