lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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